A whole YEAR has gone by

And YES it's actually a whole YEAR since all this kicked off for me , my divorce and all, got under way this time last year with the discovery of the infidelities a YEAR ago.
Jo:- You've come a long way Taster x
Thanks Jo, it felt a whole lot like climbing a huge sand hill with a huge rucksack on my back. Divorce is so weird cos the time you most need your 'other half' to support you- at your greatest need- they are the very ones wot done you in, see.
And your children can't take your side cos they are split and feel so torn and in such pain themselves.
My own siblings were completely AWOL in terms of supporting me.
I really found out who my friends were/are. And it was mainly you lot on this 'ere. *sob*
A big thank you to my internet cyber buddies ..you know who you are.xxx

No further contact

''If you don’t like this then you will need to take up the matter with your solicitor to contact me as I wish to have no further contact on this matter, or any other''.
Reply:-
dear sperm donor

is that what your sons are worth? less than a month's wages? damn right I'm taking it to the solicitor, you stole thousands from your wife and so I don't hold out much hope that you won't steal from your sons.

the boys have their own bank accounts already. please put a cheque in the post for each and we can discuss the remainder of the money they deserve from you, their abandoning parent, through the solicitors.

you are such a dkhead, and I am so glad I never have to see you again


taster'

Shockers and such

Today I got the consent application , which has a couple of shockers: Why has he said that? And should I sign, given these shockers??
In case anyone wonders:- what is a 'consent application'?
In order to get decree absolute the court has to know what the financial situation is and who has custody of kids and such, and he has to come clean in it and agree to pay me things ( maintenance of children in fact), and presumably tell the truth?? Anyway my solicitor sent it to me by post so has seen it, but said in the cover letter ring me if you have any questions, ..errrr yes! So I have been trying to ring it all day but no luck getting him as yet.
What a cheeky bugger he is.As my mates said, when they heard of it.

I know, he really is breath taking. This weekend when I am going to Wolverhampton Uni with eldest ( if I'm well enough) he *could* have come down another weekend ( eg last weekend) so that son 2 could have come with us, seen his grandparents, had a look round Uni; but because HE has said he will come this weekend and won't change, then son 2 has been emotionally bamboozled.
I TOLD him (ex) about the Uni open day in an email with dates, but he ignored it.
As he lives in M now he will be coming past the junction 10 and could easily have met us there, taken son 2 off for a bit, whatever, saved himself the drive down? But no. Or EVEN shown an interest in son 1 and his Uni choice? Nooooo.

Today on Pilsdon Pen

So today I made some delicious scones to have with clotted cream and jam, and suggested we go on a picnic.Sunny day, and as it goes, my 19th wedding anniversary.Next thing I know I am suggesting we ask 'Dad' aka my soon to be ex, if he would like to come with us. This being the only way I could guarantee Taster Minor would come along. Also because I am still desperately being Susan ( Sarandon) in this whole schtick.Seen the film 'Stepmom' where she befriends ex husband's younger (Julia Roberts) squeeze? Anyway, we are talking saintly and halo wearer extraordinary.Phonecall from 'Dad' in which he basically takes that pompous tone about how he is considering it, but only if I..(I interrupt here)I consider telling him to Eff Off but instead reply brightly 'Of course'.Goes without saying. I am hardly going to invite him so I can have a big row and ruin the boys picnic.Dohhh. Durr.Anyway I have 2nd and 3rd thoughts like ..remind me why I am doing this? But always keeping Susan ever uppermost and For the Sake of the Boys; and of course
(natch) to prove (again) that I shoulda been allowed to go the goddamned 50th thing that I was banned from attending. So. How did it go? Surprisingly well.Amazingly. But obviously a lot to do with the fact we were always and primarily platonic and parental in all our interactions from the time they were first born.Which was fine by me, but He decided he wanted to supplement this with some 'action' in Manc on the side.To this day I cannot imagine giving up my family for sex, but hey, I'm not Him, so there we go. I also cannot comprehend why he never discussed this with me before embarking on that path, as *surely* you'd realise that Mrs would object to being the main provider (financially) for the ExtraMarital? He actually mentioned today being strapped for cash which made me LOL inside, as he was so used to living on my wages and using his for ..ahem..other things. Including shares in USA. Other items of interest: house ( former marital) not yet sold, but seems likely to be soon surely? And then what will happen about the visits to and by the sons? he said today he would 'sleep in the car'. How would that work? He comes to collect son and they go ..where? To do what? Bearing in mind winter cometh, and so long walks or beach BBQs less tempting. I am dreading the thought that the sons will be req'd to Go to Manc for a visit. But equally, I rather think they might say CBA to that idea.

''Anger is a waste of energy''

Today my son tells me he was talking about his feelings re his exam results, his sense of rage, etc; whereupon the new Manc Hippychick tells him 'Anger is a waste of energy'. My son is not a master of self expression but did say how very 'Hippy' this remark was, in the worst way. I was picturing a Yoda- type utterer of similar non sequiteurs, the sort of pseudo- profound but basically 'shut up I don't want to give your feelings any air space'remark that deserves a hefty toe punt. Belittling, dismissive, and frankly hugely patronising in a superior 'guru' way.Next to 'Cheer Up' it gets my vote for a Pan in the Face. Anyway in the interests of fairness I mused on the sentiment for a bit, and asked myself is 'anger a waste of energy' in fact? Or is it a) an engine for change and b) a self defence mechanism to prevent harm to ourselves and our loved ones and c) a natural human response which must be dealt with and addressed and not bottled up, dismissed or denied. I also mused on how angry the Superior One would feel if anything happened to upset her current rather jammy idyll. In the situation as described the anger he felt could be used to energise him to ensure the sense of failure was not repeated with his GCEs. Ah well. Learn, you will; as Yoda would say.

30th August 19th wedding anniversary ( would have been).

30th August 1991
Moved out, moved on, moving.
What were we expecting to happen?
No longer married, you said.
How can that be?
Like twins conjoined we brought life into the world
Those lives would not be, but for us
Our blood, our genes, our mingled lives and theirs
Easy to say 'divorce'?
Almost as easy as 'married'.
How does this new dance go?
We thought we knew the steps for 'married' but 'divorced' is new ground.
How do we move? How do we go on being parents but apart now?
Teach me how to make it work
Our children need us now more than they did before
They are hurt and grieving for the loss of what they had
Not knowing who to support and how, who to be with angry with, who made this pain?
The boys need a father in their lives to show them how a man should be
Where is he? Far away, in miles and in mind
Teach them how to be men.

This new swollen 'aged chipmunk' face

Well the Gods have seen fit to punish me by giving me Trigeminal Neuralgia. Do google it, it is aka as 'the suicide disorder'. Imagine the drill slips and the injection to deaden the nerves hasn't worked. Add sinusitis, earache and headache, turn them up to 11 on the scale. So this has been for the past 6 days. I go to Docs and he confirms my fears, gives me 3 boxes of codeine which say 'Don't take for more than 3 days, risk of addiction'. I am now on Day 5 of continual painkillers. Couldn't go to the eagerly anticipated 40th birthday celebration 'bash' in Pangbourne. Not MY 40th..I am officially over the Hill and Far Away.
Sons both receive the exam results, A levels and GCSEs respectively. OMG. NOT good news. What else? I am officially a NON person and have to drop my sons off for the Grandparent's 50th wedding 'do' ( irony) and I am persona non grata. I was merely the vessel in which the 'ordered' children were gestated. To be clear: I was told in 1990 'no kids, I'm off'. Since then the situation has been somewhat reversed, with me being principal carer and Him off 'on business trips' or with his secretary ( in Edinburgh) and now, the infamous Manc Bint, who it seems is a Hippy as well as a Nympho (who advertised on sex only websites for similar sex addicts). I still cannot for the life of me reconcile 'she works at a women's refuge' with 'She's fine with going with married men with two kids'. Oh well. I guess I'm old fashioned.