Sunday 17 October 2010

A whole YEAR has gone by

And YES it's actually a whole YEAR since all this kicked off for me , my divorce and all, got under way this time last year with the discovery of the infidelities a YEAR ago.
Jo:- You've come a long way Taster x
Thanks Jo, it felt a whole lot like climbing a huge sand hill with a huge rucksack on my back. Divorce is so weird cos the time you most need your 'other half' to support you- at your greatest need- they are the very ones wot done you in, see.
And your children can't take your side cos they are split and feel so torn and in such pain themselves.
My own siblings were completely AWOL in terms of supporting me.
I really found out who my friends were/are. And it was mainly you lot on this 'ere. *sob*
A big thank you to my internet cyber buddies ..you know who you are.xxx

Tuesday 12 October 2010

No further contact

''If you don’t like this then you will need to take up the matter with your solicitor to contact me as I wish to have no further contact on this matter, or any other''.
Reply:-
dear sperm donor

is that what your sons are worth? less than a month's wages? damn right I'm taking it to the solicitor, you stole thousands from your wife and so I don't hold out much hope that you won't steal from your sons.

the boys have their own bank accounts already. please put a cheque in the post for each and we can discuss the remainder of the money they deserve from you, their abandoning parent, through the solicitors.

you are such a dkhead, and I am so glad I never have to see you again


taster'

Wednesday 6 October 2010

Shockers and such

Today I got the consent application , which has a couple of shockers: Why has he said that? And should I sign, given these shockers??
In case anyone wonders:- what is a 'consent application'?
In order to get decree absolute the court has to know what the financial situation is and who has custody of kids and such, and he has to come clean in it and agree to pay me things ( maintenance of children in fact), and presumably tell the truth?? Anyway my solicitor sent it to me by post so has seen it, but said in the cover letter ring me if you have any questions, ..errrr yes! So I have been trying to ring it all day but no luck getting him as yet.
What a cheeky bugger he is.As my mates said, when they heard of it.

I know, he really is breath taking. This weekend when I am going to Wolverhampton Uni with eldest ( if I'm well enough) he *could* have come down another weekend ( eg last weekend) so that son 2 could have come with us, seen his grandparents, had a look round Uni; but because HE has said he will come this weekend and won't change, then son 2 has been emotionally bamboozled.
I TOLD him (ex) about the Uni open day in an email with dates, but he ignored it.
As he lives in M now he will be coming past the junction 10 and could easily have met us there, taken son 2 off for a bit, whatever, saved himself the drive down? But no. Or EVEN shown an interest in son 1 and his Uni choice? Nooooo.

Monday 30 August 2010

Today on Pilsdon Pen

So today I made some delicious scones to have with clotted cream and jam, and suggested we go on a picnic.Sunny day, and as it goes, my 19th wedding anniversary.Next thing I know I am suggesting we ask 'Dad' aka my soon to be ex, if he would like to come with us. This being the only way I could guarantee Taster Minor would come along. Also because I am still desperately being Susan ( Sarandon) in this whole schtick.Seen the film 'Stepmom' where she befriends ex husband's younger (Julia Roberts) squeeze? Anyway, we are talking saintly and halo wearer extraordinary.Phonecall from 'Dad' in which he basically takes that pompous tone about how he is considering it, but only if I..(I interrupt here)I consider telling him to Eff Off but instead reply brightly 'Of course'.Goes without saying. I am hardly going to invite him so I can have a big row and ruin the boys picnic.Dohhh. Durr.Anyway I have 2nd and 3rd thoughts like ..remind me why I am doing this? But always keeping Susan ever uppermost and For the Sake of the Boys; and of course
(natch) to prove (again) that I shoulda been allowed to go the goddamned 50th thing that I was banned from attending. So. How did it go? Surprisingly well.Amazingly. But obviously a lot to do with the fact we were always and primarily platonic and parental in all our interactions from the time they were first born.Which was fine by me, but He decided he wanted to supplement this with some 'action' in Manc on the side.To this day I cannot imagine giving up my family for sex, but hey, I'm not Him, so there we go. I also cannot comprehend why he never discussed this with me before embarking on that path, as *surely* you'd realise that Mrs would object to being the main provider (financially) for the ExtraMarital? He actually mentioned today being strapped for cash which made me LOL inside, as he was so used to living on my wages and using his for ..ahem..other things. Including shares in USA. Other items of interest: house ( former marital) not yet sold, but seems likely to be soon surely? And then what will happen about the visits to and by the sons? he said today he would 'sleep in the car'. How would that work? He comes to collect son and they go ..where? To do what? Bearing in mind winter cometh, and so long walks or beach BBQs less tempting. I am dreading the thought that the sons will be req'd to Go to Manc for a visit. But equally, I rather think they might say CBA to that idea.

Sunday 29 August 2010

''Anger is a waste of energy''

Today my son tells me he was talking about his feelings re his exam results, his sense of rage, etc; whereupon the new Manc Hippychick tells him 'Anger is a waste of energy'. My son is not a master of self expression but did say how very 'Hippy' this remark was, in the worst way. I was picturing a Yoda- type utterer of similar non sequiteurs, the sort of pseudo- profound but basically 'shut up I don't want to give your feelings any air space'remark that deserves a hefty toe punt. Belittling, dismissive, and frankly hugely patronising in a superior 'guru' way.Next to 'Cheer Up' it gets my vote for a Pan in the Face. Anyway in the interests of fairness I mused on the sentiment for a bit, and asked myself is 'anger a waste of energy' in fact? Or is it a) an engine for change and b) a self defence mechanism to prevent harm to ourselves and our loved ones and c) a natural human response which must be dealt with and addressed and not bottled up, dismissed or denied. I also mused on how angry the Superior One would feel if anything happened to upset her current rather jammy idyll. In the situation as described the anger he felt could be used to energise him to ensure the sense of failure was not repeated with his GCEs. Ah well. Learn, you will; as Yoda would say.

30th August 19th wedding anniversary ( would have been).

30th August 1991
Moved out, moved on, moving.
What were we expecting to happen?
No longer married, you said.
How can that be?
Like twins conjoined we brought life into the world
Those lives would not be, but for us
Our blood, our genes, our mingled lives and theirs
Easy to say 'divorce'?
Almost as easy as 'married'.
How does this new dance go?
We thought we knew the steps for 'married' but 'divorced' is new ground.
How do we move? How do we go on being parents but apart now?
Teach me how to make it work
Our children need us now more than they did before
They are hurt and grieving for the loss of what they had
Not knowing who to support and how, who to be with angry with, who made this pain?
The boys need a father in their lives to show them how a man should be
Where is he? Far away, in miles and in mind
Teach them how to be men.

Tuesday 24 August 2010

This new swollen 'aged chipmunk' face

Well the Gods have seen fit to punish me by giving me Trigeminal Neuralgia. Do google it, it is aka as 'the suicide disorder'. Imagine the drill slips and the injection to deaden the nerves hasn't worked. Add sinusitis, earache and headache, turn them up to 11 on the scale. So this has been for the past 6 days. I go to Docs and he confirms my fears, gives me 3 boxes of codeine which say 'Don't take for more than 3 days, risk of addiction'. I am now on Day 5 of continual painkillers. Couldn't go to the eagerly anticipated 40th birthday celebration 'bash' in Pangbourne. Not MY 40th..I am officially over the Hill and Far Away.
Sons both receive the exam results, A levels and GCSEs respectively. OMG. NOT good news. What else? I am officially a NON person and have to drop my sons off for the Grandparent's 50th wedding 'do' ( irony) and I am persona non grata. I was merely the vessel in which the 'ordered' children were gestated. To be clear: I was told in 1990 'no kids, I'm off'. Since then the situation has been somewhat reversed, with me being principal carer and Him off 'on business trips' or with his secretary ( in Edinburgh) and now, the infamous Manc Bint, who it seems is a Hippy as well as a Nympho (who advertised on sex only websites for similar sex addicts). I still cannot for the life of me reconcile 'she works at a women's refuge' with 'She's fine with going with married men with two kids'. Oh well. I guess I'm old fashioned.

Friday 13 August 2010

Space sluts in the slammer.

Odd title today. Feeling odd in fact. I have entered the slough of despond and been bitten on the bum by the snake of false hopes. After the 'do you forgive me' question asked on the phone by the Ex and the Non- Invite to the 50th wedding bash, whereon I was relegated to the Bertha Rochester role, I have indeed raved, ranted and generally been very wild. Not unlike a rockstar of the Ozzy Osborne type. And equally unattractive, let's face it. I was taken on a rollercoaster by the 'forgive ' question and weirdly today I recalled a number of incidents from the past that certainly DID merit a huge kick up the arse, eg the time he set up a meet with the hippychick -that had been our childminder!- while I was up in Scotland looking after our two wains then aged 6 and 4. Occurred to me that this current shagbag must be a veritable clone of the tangled haired cheesecloth wearer and reeking of patchouli and josssticks, not to say the weed. O Glorious Memory. Hmm. Ah well plus ca change, as the French say. Pass me the Forgetting Pill and roll on sweeter days.

Monday 9 August 2010

Christians and divorce. The Rools.

According to this 'ere book I have here written by a Christian ; there are only two valid reasons for divorce and one is 'porneia' or marital unfaithfulness. However you *should* forgive and aim to reconcile even in that case. The other reason is if one is an 'unbeliever' and seeks to leave the marriage, the believer is not then 'bound' by his covenant as formerly.
Covenant and convenience.
This opened my eyes as it turns out I saw marriage as a covenant and He saw it as a convenience, like, Okay *until* or *unless* but I saw it as 'I swore to stay together no matter what'.
Other things will indicate the likelihood of divorce.Namely the answers to these questions:-
Do you feel happy in the marriage? Is there a more desirable alternative? and lastly 'Does everyone else seem to be encouraging divorce?'
Reconciliation is only possible if both want to do it.
However some level of reconciliation and forgiveness must occur or you damage yourself and rmain bitter and twisted out of shape and cannot form new relationships.
So next step is to forgive the latest slap which is: I will not be present at the Family Occasion this weekend and my sons will be in the photos with the Girlfriend from Manc. Occasion is the 50th wedding anniversaryof the in- laws.
Got to say I feel seriously angry about thissun as I have done my utmost to keep the grandparents in the boys' life, while He has Not. Even to the extent he was in their town with C and *would not * drop him off for a visit. They live on the t'other side of the country please note.
Oh well I guess I must retain my chilly position on Moral High Ground even though it be freezing up here.
brrrrrrrrrr

Friday 30 July 2010

The self help fascism

So I got this book out of the library about CBT I think it's called, and how you are meant to conduct a relationship.
Liked some of it, but kept thinking: why wasn't I given this on my wedding day??
Why doesn't anyone make sure you know this stuff?
It's all pretty clear and simple and seems pretty much idiot proof.
F'r instance.
How to talk, how not to row, how to get what you want said to be listened to, how to arrive at solving problems in the bedroom.
Example: If he wants more sex than you, have a set night for sex and try and stick to it.
eg once a week on a Friday. The argument that it 'takes away the spontaneity' is answered by saying : There isn't spontaneity anyway, as always it's one who has to initiate the sex when you think about it. And it takes away the arguments and tension, knowing it's going to happen and getting your head ready for it, kind of thing. It's a nice compromise.
I wonder IF we had read this goddamn book would we be going through this nightmare, with all the associated legal bills and sons upset and all that schtick.
Other idea: Set aside ten minutes or 30 minutes talking time a day or week, in which items are discussed and 'actioned' eg I want you to clean the toilet , and him: I want you to suggest positions in bed, or whatever.
This is the model for all meetings so why expect marriages to be somehow magically and telepathically charmed in a silent and intuitive pas de deux?
He did cite 'lack of communication' for the reason our marriage went down the pan, but ..who was making that not happen? Both of us, in fact. But I DID try, and ..oh well. Then the book goes into how divorce should be avoided as much as humanly possible as it like bereavement only worse and has all these associated health problems ..eeekkk!
WHY did no one tell us this?
Everyone tells us to get divorced, give up, split up , start over- but secretly everyone knows it's at least TWO years of misery, grief, anger, regrets, loneliness, angst, nostalgia, self loathing, more anger, sickness, nausea, insomnia, panic attacks! And that's even for those of us who KNEW it was the right thing to do! Never mind the financial cost and the effect on the kids. Aaargh. AND men seem to have the full range of ages available to choose from but who wants a tired old divorcee in her 50s with a fat arse and two teenagers? Oh dearie dearie me.

Friday 16 July 2010

Hitting a wall

Had a feeling today like in a marathon ( presumably, not that I've ever run one in fact) when you 'hit the wall'. This feels like not so much 'going backwards' as 'stuck' and unable to do this 'moving on' lark that's much advocated.
Feeling huge anger today as well, mostly against the Ghit and his chav nympho obviously, but also more general malaise for the wide world at large.
Sense of unfairness and why can't I have all this hedonistic pleasure that the rest of the bluddy population seem to have in shedloads.
Decided ( again) that sex is vastly over rated and also..eeep..getting naked, and looking at the other bod, also naked? Eeep and ewwww.
Have to shift to plan B.

Wednesday 14 July 2010

The bucket

Salad bowl
=huge tupperware cake container, which occasioned much and many stares and offensive comments today in the staffroom, involving me sat on a low comfy chair with a queue of folk sneering, staring in my 'bucket' and really making really annoying comments, such as
'What's all that in there? What are you eating? Why have you got such a big one?'
and other punch-able remarks.
I told them to sling their hooks, but oddly they were unfazed by my truculence.

Tuesday 13 July 2010

The eggplantinspace

If you actually wrote that article about 'Star Wars' I am humbled by your wondrousness. If not, I am still humbled by whoever *did* write it.
Anybody reading this blog should instantly click on 'eggplantinspace' and 'Love or Hate Movies'.
Got me to thinking ..there are those 'love or hate' aka 'Marmite' things in life, be it The Royle Family, Simon Pegg, The Beatles, or Jazz! To answer anybody wondering:- Hate,love,hate, hate.
I also LOVE Bill Bryson, Shakespeare, hedgehogs, Ireland, and canal holidays.
Hate: chewing gum, smokers, little yappy dogs, overtakers, The Godfather films and football.
I rather think I hate more things than I like.
This can't be good, can it?
Memories and images I can't get out of my head:
the little figure in the pond in 'Don't look now'.

Saturday 10 July 2010

My mum and the stopper

Well today's happenstance is twofold; firstly Mum and the prolapse and secondly Himself (El Ghitt) and the stalling of the financial 'reveal' by demanding he sees mine before I see his, all this via expensive solicitor emails. I would LOL as he knows only too well I have no money as I put it in the joint account and he spent it, on ( drum roll) hotels and sex websites, so very LOL indeed.
Mum has been to 4 different Drs who told her she had cystitis and *finally* she gets an examination at A&E and at last a GP can spot a prolapse , and don't forget she already got an internal exam by a woman GP before this, so wtf?
Phew.
Busy times.
Must hoover now before the Drama workshop..anyone reading this who lives near enough; the Arabian Nights at Bridport Art Centre on 25th July, if I haven't grossed you out with my weird life.
Adios amigos.
Oh- the stopper, this is the 'pessary' gag, which is the interim measure for womb prolapse. Oh dearie dearie me.

Thursday 8 July 2010

Today at the 'depression clinic' Oh dear.

Just realised we all took a vow not to reveal what goes on in that particular venue, but seeing as I won't be going back there, thanks, I can *hint* at some of the Dementor- like malarkey.
I decided today that, yes, I do need *some* counselling ( probs) but seeing as they all made me feel like a cross between Pollyanna and Anne of Green Gables; we can safely assume I aint gonna be going be getting what this varmint needs in that specific locale.
I moseyed on outta there and went to gaze upon the beaoooootiful flowers and fountains in the Borough gardens of our county town.
What's not to like? They have this crazy water fountain gizmo which the wee toddlers were stomping on to get splish splashed..I was half inclined to strip down to my knickers myself and have a go. I settled for sitting on the edge of the marble fountain instead, far more sedate for woman of my advanced years.
I hied me to Morrisons to purchase comestibles and once again earned myself a shot at the crown of 'most eccentric person in Bridport'- hotly contested- by grabbing a young customer on the wrist and ordering him to reach me down a pack of Jordan's nutty crunch.
Upon my return to my gaff in Bohemia, which I freely admit I am totally and actually in love with; I told my son I would dance naked on top of the Eiffel Tower if his Grandad ( his paternal Grandfather, please note) ever said the words:
'Yo bitcsh , I am gonna kill yer blak ass,' which his grandson assured me was a possibility this side of frozen Hades.
Spellings changed to avert swear filter there.

Wednesday 7 July 2010

Taster's turqoise tortoise

Well. Here goes. I just know an eager public are agog for more blogs. And blogs by babes yet. Which this is not, no how, no way, but still.

A couple of Tortoises ( tortii?) are off on a picnic. Being shelled critturs it takes them two weeks there, and two weeks back to their favourite picnic spot.

Upon arrival, She realises the tin opener is left behind.

'I'll fetch it', says she, 'only promise faithfully, not one tiny morsel will you nibble until my return'.

'How can you doubt it?' He counters.

After convincing herself he is utterly Not Going to Nibble, off she goes.

He waits. And he waits. Two weeks..Four weeks...OMG he is so good, it hurts.

On the day after the 4th week is over, he stretches out his neck to sample just a tiny corner of lettuce-and out from the bush she jumps, where she has been hiding all this while.

'I knew you wouldn't wait!' she cries.

What, dear reader, is the subtext, think you?